Tales from the Elevator
Everyone is reading this long and fascinating story about elevators. I enjoyed the passage on elevator etiquette Instinctively, people know how to conduct themselves when boarding an elevator. A pair of strangers gravitate to the rear corners, another stands by the door, until the fourth arrives. Then these last two cover the front corners, opening the center for the fifth and whoever follows. As more arrive, they all re-position into open space.
The goal is to block potential intimacy and strive for maximum distance. A familiar code of subway riding and urinal sharing. Looking ahead is a must, with a slight vertical motion perhaps. Mirrors amplify the feeling of awkwardness.
Silence is customary, although generic small talk and neighborly greetings are reluctantly allowed.
Reminds me of two things.
1. People facing backward in The Great Candid Camera Stunt (and those not in
the stunt following their cue, like sheep)
2.This marvelous anecdote about Alfred Hitchcock:
Of Hitchcock, my favorite memory is an incident in New York, at the St.Regis Hotel in 1964. With Hitch red-faced and cheerful, and I a bit tipsy after some frozen daiquiris, we boarded the elevator on the 25th floor, riding in silence until the 19th, whereupon three evening-attired folks entered. Suddenly, he faces me and says, “Well, it was quite shocking, I must say there was blood everywhere!” Confused, I thought because of the many daiquiris that something was amiss, but he continued his tale: “There was a stream of blood coming from his ear and another from his mouth.” Certainly, all had recognized him but nobody would look. Two more arrived as he went on: “Of course, there was a huge pool of blood on the floor and his clothes were splattered with it. Oh! It was a horrible mess. Well, you can imagine…”It was apparent that everyone had stopped breathing, including myself. Now he glanced at me, I made a silly nod, and he again continued: “Blood all around! Well, I looked at the poor fellow and I said, Good God, man, what’s happened to you?” Just then, as the elevator doors opened to the lobby, Hitchcock said “And do you know what he told me?” and paused. Reluctantly, the amazed passengers departed the elevator, anxiously staring at the director while passing in silence. After foggy moments passed, I asked, “So what did he say?” Hitch put on a beatific smile and said, “Oh nothing–that’s just my elevator story.”




